i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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