I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
