I think my vagina is haunted
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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