Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I met the friendliest cop last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
