Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
