i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
