My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
