I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
