There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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