I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
