as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize