$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
