OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
