God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
