I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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