people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize