You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
