I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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