I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
