SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
