it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
why do cheetos always look like penises
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
