dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
