I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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