Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
