You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
