It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
