So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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