the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
