So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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