I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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