Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
