K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
