How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my being single is dangerous.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
