I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
