I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
