WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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