Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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