your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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