I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
