WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
