it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
