How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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