there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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