I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
