i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
