I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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