I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
