The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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