you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
