porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
