i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
