did you get engaged???
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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