okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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