so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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