Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
