thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
