Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Everything about him screamed your future.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
