We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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