I don't usually arrange sex via text message
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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