So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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