I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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