Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
