Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
