she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
