MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
