The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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