dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
