OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize