So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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