I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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