I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
