Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
