Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
