he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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