i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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