i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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