im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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