in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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