I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
