Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
