genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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